21 week Update: Anatomy Scan (8/30/18)

Yesterday we had our regular, once-every-two-weeks, check up and our anatomy scan! I’ve had the reassurance of feeling the babies moving for about two weeks now but something about an approaching check up must just inevitably brings about a certain amount of anxiety for me, and maybe for everyone. A week or so ago I started to convince myself that maybe the “kicks” I was feeling weren’t kicks at all. I was actually starting to believe that maybe it was just my abdominal muscles spasming from stretching to accommodate the babies. Then a few days after that, I became convinced that the babies were moving significantly less than they had been previously which of course worried me into thinking that something could possibly be going wrong. At times it feels like we have a lot stacked against us, so I try not to fault myself when I do fall into the anxiety traps and start to spiral into worry.

As scared as I am going into a check up, there’s something inexplicable and indescribable about the moment when the scan starts and everything proceeds as it should and the babies are doing perfectly. I always feel like I’m waiting for a disaster and then when disaster doesn’t strike I’m simultaneously relieved but also not at all surprised. Logically, I know my fears aren’t real. They’re a figment of my imagination created by doubt and ghosts of our past experiences. But there are times when the fear takes over and logic and reason don’t seem to comfort me. And then with the tiniest dose of reality, my brain gets shocked back into the present and seems to audibly sigh as I think to myself, “of course the babies are completely fine!”. Any other possibility seems so ludicrous that I almost laugh at myself for ever thinking that they would be anything other than perfect.

I have no major reports from the scan except that Baby A’s estimated weight is currently 1 pound and Baby B is a little larger, as they have been all along, at 1 lb 1 oz. It’s crazy that they’re weighing a whole pound each already! I haven’t really gained any weight yet myself and it appears that my belly is only growing directly outward so I can still basically wear all my pre-pregnancy clothes although my favorite shorts only barely button around my waist anymore. The one question we get asked more than pretty much anything is whether we know the sex of the babies and we are committed to not finding out until they’re born! The tech instructed us to look away while she was scanning their lower bodies so we wouldn’t accidentally see and while it’s so tempting to just find out, it’s also thrilling to have to wait.

Every appointment we have, we’re learning a little more about what the future holds for us. The biggest thing looming on the horizon is my upcoming admittance to the hospital. For those that don’t know, the standard of care for monoamniotic/monochorionic twin pregnancies includes hospitalization for the mama starting at somewhere around 24 weeks gestation. I’m almost 22 weeks now… that part of the pregnancy felt so far away when we first started learning about it but here we are, mere weeks away from my hospitalization and we basically don’t know anything yet! So we asked some questions yesterday and found out the following,

1. I will not be allowed to leave the hospital once I’m admitted until the babies are born. I think once they admit you and you’re in their care, they don’t want you leaving until you’re discharged. I’m sure there are legal ramifications so I get it… but I’m not entirely excited to not be allowed to leave the hospital for 8 or so weeks.
2. They are happy for me to start my hospital stay anytime after 23 or 24 weeks. They suggested 26 weeks a while back and we’re moving the day I turn 24 weeks so we’re going to use those 2 weeks to get settled and then I’ll head to the hospital. They said at our next visit we can pick a date and get it on the calendar. I’m currently thinking of going in on October 1st.
3. We also asked about what to expect on a daily basis once I’m admitted to the hospital. His main suggestion was to book a tour of the hospital (which we did for September 5th) and they will be equipped to answer all our logistical questions but he did tell us to expect to start with 3 non stress tests per day. A non stress test is just where they strap a monitor on my belly for each baby and track their heart rates for a while. We know they’re physiologically normal babies at this point so their heart rates will be good indicators of their day to day wellbeing.

So that’s basically where we stand as of today, August 31st, 2018! I have a prenatal visit with the nurse practitioner next Friday and then another ultrasound the Friday after that. Time is absolutely flying… we are, at most, about 12 weeks from meeting our babies. They are 12 critical weeks for the babies in terms of development and every single day matters. It feels long in terms of the strides they need to make during those weeks to be ready to thrive on the outside. But it feels very short when I think about everything that we want to try to do before they arrive! Ready or not, they are a-coming though and whether we have the nursery perfectly set up, whether we’ve read all the books or taken all the classes, we will be ready to love them and go to the ends of the earth to care for them. We will be ready Babies!