When Hope is Greater than Fear

I’ve been seriously thinking about starting a blog for about a week now. One of the main motivations is to keep our vast extended family in the loop during this pregnancy! There are lots of updates and even more curious, caring minds, so maybe this will be the fastest way for all the news to reach everyone. The second motivation is because I think we have an interesting story. I was going to say unique but one thing I’m learning through all of this fertility stuff is that it’s not a story known to us and no others. Miscarriages, struggles to conceive, RE appointments, hope, loss, excitement, devastation; so many people know the cycles of trying to get pregnant. Our story starts long before the conception of these babies, about 18 months before that magical little egg split in two, and I will share all of that in due time but for right now, I’ll just start with the little mango sized babies growing in my belly. What is more unique about our story is that I’m carrying monochorionic, monoamniotic twins which only occurs in 1 out of every 10,000 pregnancies. That’s a 0.01% chance. They’re not quite 1 in a million but I’ve been humming that song from the original Miss Congeniality movie to the babies since we found out that statistic!

So now you’re probably wondering, what are monochorionic monoamniotic twins (AKA mono/mono twins, MoMo twins, MoMos, etc)? These little babies share one placenta and one amniotic sac. It is a rare and complicated condition for the babies to exist in. The main risk and concern is that because they share an amniotic sac, the babies plus their two umbilical cords share one single space in my uterus. All umbilical cords tangle to some extent during pregnancy but because there are two babies wiggling and twisting and turning with their cords in tow, the possibility of their cords tangling to a detrimental or fatal extent is much greater. This is a semi-terrifying fact to live with but believe it or not, it hasn’t been as difficult a fact to live with as I thought it might be.

I don’t know if I can explain exactly why I’m not living in constant fear because it’s a fact that sort of surprises me. Maybe I’m living with my head in the sand, hiding from the fears and scary thoughts but I just have this very real feeling that they’re going to be ok. More than ok! They’re going to thrive every step of the way. It’s sort of like their existence feels fated. Like I can practically see their faces. I can see their lives unfolding before me and it makes sense. In my heart, I can acknowledge the possibility of losing them and I absolutely have fear surrounding that fact but somehow the belief that these babies are meant to be the babies that make me a mama is bigger than that fear. 

 I'm looking forward to using this blog to tell the story of the birth of our family that I've been holding in my heart for almost two years now, to share the details of this pregnancy and our lives as we prepare to (and actually do!) welcome these two babies into our lives, and to share my forays into baking & cooking, sustainable living, travel, you name it! Whatever is capturing my interest, whatever I'm investing my time in, I will likely share. With a strong focus on pregnancy and parenthood as that is all my brain can comprehend right now! Thank you for being here. Please ask any questions that this post may have inspired. It's a very particular situation and I never know if I'm explaining it well enough. So if there's anything I can clarify, or any further information I can provide, please ask!